HowJamaican Contracts are Issued

Three contractors are bidding to fix the fence at Jamaica House. One is from Montego Bay, another from Kingston and the third, from Mandeville.

They go with an official from Jamaica House, to examine the fence.

The Mo-Bay contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well,"he says. "De job gwine run yuh 'bout $900: $400 fi material, $400 fi my crew an' $100 profit fi me."

The Mandeville contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do dis job fi $700; $300 fi material, $300 fi my crew and $100 profit fi Mass Me."

The Kingston contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Jamaica House official and whispers: "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, observes: "Yuh didn't even tek measurement like de addah contractah dem! Weh yuh get such a high figgah?"

"Easy man," the Kingstonian explains, "Look yah! $1,000 fi you, $1,000 fi me an' we hire de breddah from Mandeville".

Leroy's hearing

Could be a Jamaican?

A preacher said: "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed
over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

Leroy got in line and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied: "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked: "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered: "I don't know. My hearing ain't 'til next week."

Sarh Palin visit to Jamaica as seen on Larry King

Note adult content not for persons below 18 years old




This is really hilarious.........it captures Sarah Palin's visit to a "T"

You know you are living in 2010

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone
is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF