Leroy's hearing

Could be a Jamaican?

A preacher said: "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed
over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

Leroy got in line and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied: "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked: "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered: "I don't know. My hearing ain't 'til next week."

Jamaican Badman

Two Jamaican badman are walking through the countryside.
They haven't eaten for days and are starving.
They see a tree in the distance, and as they get nearer,they notice it is draped with rashers of bacon; smoked bacon, crispy bacon, boiled bacon, bacon bits, grilled bacon, jerk bacon, Canadian bacon, all sorts of bacon.
"Look deh ! ",says the first badman, " a bacon tree to rahtid ! And we ah dead fe hungry from Dudus gone? "
Salivating, he desperately runs up to the tree .
As he gets close, he's gunned down by a hail of bullets from every angle.
His friend shouts, "wha 'appen? wha 'appen?
The first badman replies, " rass claat, dis a nuh bacon tree, is a 'ham-bush'!