Top 10 Names for a Lover - Jamaican style!

1. Mi Boonoonoonous
2. Matie
3. Chupsie
4. Boops
5. Suga Daddie
6. Mi Hortical One
7. Baby Face
8. Boobie or Boo
9. Babes
10.Don One

Minding my own business in Jamaica

How I learned to mind my own business: I was walking past Ward 21 the other day & all the patients were outside shouting, '13....13....13.' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the fencing so I looked through to see what was going on AND somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!!! Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

HowJamaican Contracts are Issued

Three contractors are bidding to fix the fence at Jamaica House. One is from Montego Bay, another from Kingston and the third, from Mandeville.

They go with an official from Jamaica House, to examine the fence.

The Mo-Bay contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well,"he says. "De job gwine run yuh 'bout $900: $400 fi material, $400 fi my crew an' $100 profit fi me."

The Mandeville contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do dis job fi $700; $300 fi material, $300 fi my crew and $100 profit fi Mass Me."

The Kingston contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Jamaica House official and whispers: "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, observes: "Yuh didn't even tek measurement like de addah contractah dem! Weh yuh get such a high figgah?"

"Easy man," the Kingstonian explains, "Look yah! $1,000 fi you, $1,000 fi me an' we hire de breddah from Mandeville".

Leroy's hearing

Could be a Jamaican?

A preacher said: "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed
over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

Leroy got in line and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied: "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked: "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered: "I don't know. My hearing ain't 'til next week."

Sarh Palin visit to Jamaica as seen on Larry King

Note adult content not for persons below 18 years old




This is really hilarious.........it captures Sarah Palin's visit to a "T"

You know you are living in 2010

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone
is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

A foreigner asked a Jamaican, "Is it true you Jamaicans always answer a question with a question?

The Jamaican said, "Who tell yuh dat?"

Jamaican Badman

Two Jamaican badman are walking through the countryside.
They haven't eaten for days and are starving.
They see a tree in the distance, and as they get nearer,they notice it is draped with rashers of bacon; smoked bacon, crispy bacon, boiled bacon, bacon bits, grilled bacon, jerk bacon, Canadian bacon, all sorts of bacon.
"Look deh ! ",says the first badman, " a bacon tree to rahtid ! And we ah dead fe hungry from Dudus gone? "
Salivating, he desperately runs up to the tree .
As he gets close, he's gunned down by a hail of bullets from every angle.
His friend shouts, "wha 'appen? wha 'appen?
The first badman replies, " rass claat, dis a nuh bacon tree, is a 'ham-bush'!

Why Men Wear Earrings

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his Jamaican co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knows his Jamaican co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

(I always wondered how this trend got started)

The Jamaican and the lawyer

A lawyer and a Jamaican citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.

The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the Jamaican's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The Jamaican doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the Jamaican's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the Jamaican and hands him $500.

The Jamaican pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Jamaican up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The Jamaican reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy,
how was I born ?'

The father answers,
'Well, son, I guess one day
you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and
I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom
and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into
a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from
my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload,
we discovered that neither one of us had used a
firewall, and since it was too late to hit the
delete button , nine months later a little
Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You've got Male

The biggest Asshole in the World - Watch more Funny Videos

Funny Jamaican candy

Best essay ever

In celebration of recently completed World Cup here are some real funny football moments.........

Transporter 3

where is Dudus

Definitely...definitely...NO GLASSES!!

They cant stop Ricky Trooper

Ricky Trooper says dem can's stop me from travel and says put dat pon you tube........you a di boss Mr. Trooper

Little Johnny

A guy is walking down the street and sees Little Johnny smoking a cigarette.

He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke." Johnny looks up But doesn't say anything.

The man asks, "Son, how old are you?"

Little Johnny says, "Six."

Stunned, the man says, "Six!? When did you start smoking?" Johnny replies, "Right after the first time I had sex."

"Right after the first time you had sex? When was that?" >Little Johnny answers, "I don't remember. I was drunk."

Oh to be a kid again...

Action Heroes all have their limits

Speed trap Jamaican style

Speed trap - Jamaican style

Everybody wants Clarks

MTV Shows

Drake was in Jamaica recently for the shooting of his video for “Find Your Love”. He was hanging with Mavado (anywwwwwwwwway) and check out his surprise at the love for him and Lil Weezy and his imitation of the Jamaican accent (not bad rude bwoy)

Autobots in our midst right here in Jamaica ..wow

(pics thanks to R. DaCosta)

Which way to go

Which way to go ...Which way to GO the arrows are confusing me

(picture courtesy of R. DaCosta)

New Stamp causing a stir

Jamaica Postal Service has created a stamp with a picture of Prime Minister Bruce Golding.

The stamp is not sticking to envelopes. This enrages the Prime Minister,who demands a full investigation.


After a month of testing and spending of JA $4.1 million, a special commission presents the following findings:

1. The stamp is in perfect order.

2. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.

3. The Public are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

Seems that someone is also learning to spell

(Pictures thanks to R. DaCosta)

The National Poetry Contest was now down to the last two contestants; a Yale graduate and a Jamaican Rasta man. They were given a word and were allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was “Timbuktu”.
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
“Slowly across the desert sand,
trecked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels…two by two;
their destination? Timbuktu."

A big applause went up! No way could the Rasta man top that, they thought.
The Rasta man calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
“Me and Tim, went on de road,
three thief stop wi, an want wi load.
They were three, and we were two…
So I bucked one and Tim-buk-tu .

The crowd went wild!! The Rasta man won. Of course!!

Any liquid flowing through this office is definitely prohibited
(pictures thanks to R. DaCosta)

Jamaican Comedy at its best observation on the the school system, enjoy my peeps and let the laffta roll.

The Jamaican Boy and the Elevator

A boy from rural Jamaica and his parents went to Kingston one day and were visiting a mall. While the mother looked for cotton fabric for a new apron, the father and son stood around, amazed by almost everything they saw. They were especially amazed by two, shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is that, daddy?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

"Could it be a time machine?" asked the boy. “I read about in this book once where people leave the earth in shiny vehicles.”

"Praise the Lord", said the father. "There sure are miraculous things in the city."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

Sorry I didnt get the Memo

Someone needs a memo cause the message seemed to miss a few people!!

Mackerel run dung hopefully not related to the other dung

Another Shebada classic ...Di real driva...let the jokes begin

Check out Berlino the World Championship mascot and Jamaican 400 Meter Hurdler Champion Melaine Walker on the celebratory lap.........I guess he was so excited he lost track of everything else.........we understand Jamaican women can do that to you

Make sure if you see or hear a REALLY good Joke, to share the fun with us kinda like Skittles share the rainbow.......lol

Technician vs. Management
A man in a hot air balloon, realizing he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended further and shouted to the lady "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am"

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be a technician," said the balloonist.

"Actually I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault...

Usain Bolt is making some Germans vex

Miss Lou would be proud but what next ....Mavado on Broadway.....Anywaaaaay.....Gansta for life...

go figure lol




the 13th Commandment
.......good to see God has a sense of humour

TV Report from Norman Manley Airport

This is very funny if you can read and comprehend....Live Jamaican TV report from Norman Manley Airport High respect from Jamaica...ONLY JAMAICANS COULD FIND A WAY TO MAKE THIS INCIDENT FUNNY. THANK GOD NO LIVES WERE LOST...A MIRACLE! From jamaicans.com/forums (or 'Boardlane' as regulars call it). Enjoy!

An American Airlines plane crashed and broke in two after landing at the Norman

Manley International Airport in Kingston a short while ago. The aircraft carried

over 145 passengers and crew most of them Jamaicans returning home.

Boardlane TV news was on site to interview some of the passengers that were

able to speak to us about the events that took place after the crash.

Boardlane TV: Hi sir could you could you give us a moment and tell us how are

you feeling and what happened when you realized your flight crashed?

Lincoln: Lady mi sey a Jah save wi cause a di back mi dey enoh Miss and all of a

sudden mi si di miggle a di plane hice up ina di air and a dat time mi a penny sey

di rahtid sinting bruck ina 2. Mi all si wan suitcase drap outta di ova head bin

siting and lick out wan white man flat a grung. Im mite ina di plane still kunk out

an cyan git up cause everybody tep ova im ... man an woman a try cum outt

before di plane boom up!

Boardlane TV: No one stopped to assist the injured man?

Lincoln: Look yah lady when plane boom flick pan dry land is all about survival

yuh no seeit. Every man fi dem self cause yuh noh know if all a nex suitcase a

goh shoot out fram di ova head sinting an lick yuh out.. Trus mi!

Boardlane TV: Ok sir thanks very much and glad you are Ok.. Miss Over here.

Can you tell us how you feel and give us some insights on what took place on

your flight?

Matilda: Glorry Glorry. I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Lady a cyan talk . Sweeet

Jesas. A nearly si di coming of mi Creata an mi nat even a wear desent drawz.. I

sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Alli-jullaaa!!!

Boardlane TV: Ok Mam thanks. Hi Miss over here Boardlane TV here. Can you

tell us what happened on your flight as it was landing?

Millicent: Dat Razzklaat Pilot noh know wey di Bongo Cyat im a do.. Im nearly

kill aff di whole a wi ina di big Chrismus haliday yah ..a fly di Bummbeet Plane

like im a deh pan Jet Ski pan di tarmac. A waan smaddy buss im Klaat an sen im

back a Flying school.. Dung to mi lickle 9 yr ole yout lan kite betta dan how dat

suckka lan dis big ole Bongo Cyat plane.. cho Blood Kleet .. come outta mi way

yah man.

Boardlane TV: Oookk?? Clearly she is upset with the pilot and understandably

so. Let's see ... Little one can you come over here and talk with us..How are you

doing?

Celine: Mi cyan fine mi mummy. Yuh si har fi mi?

Boardlane TV: No but maybe you can describe her and we can get some help for

you.

Celine: Mi mummy have wan b@tty big <> an wear wan Burgundy head

weave..an har finga nail dem have Chrismuss tree paint pan dem.. When di

plane crash shi tek aff an run wey lef mi. like shi figat sey shi have pickney pan di

plane wid har.. Dats how shi behave when har head tek har yuh mam ..shi noh

memba nutten bout mi.

Boardlane TV: Oh no. Go to the officer and find some help. Be safe. Let's get

one more comment from this gentleman.

Hi sir do you care to comment on the incident that just took place?

Percy: Sure I would loves to comments. Miss Lady, I and my mistress was in the

bock aff di plane han was very hestinguished when wi realize dot di plane do nat

landed good pan di runaway. So I jess tell di mistress to pick up di suitcase dem

han faller backa me.

Boardlane TV: You made her carry both suitcases by herself?

Percy: What mek yuh hosk? Yuh noh si how shi strapting an have trang back?

A wan cow dis yuh noh lady! Anyways hofta shi falla backs a me, wi truck aff troo

di side exit door an landed ina wan whole heapa gravel. Si hall my helbow chip

up fram di rackstone dem an yuh si mi mistress nat even get a scrotch how shi

tough. Dats why mi loves her so. A very trong women dis. Wi aroight dowes.. just

wont to find a batroom now fi change mi brief. Mi cyan ston ina di pee-pee no

longer.

Boardlane TV: Ok Sir God bless you and the mistress. Well ladies and

gentlemen there you have it. A very lucky set of passengers given the serioness

of the accident.We will have more comments from passengers as they get sorted

out.

Boardlane TV: We are now back on the air speaking with a few more of the

passengers from flight 331. Mister can you step over here and have a chat with

us. How are you doing.. you look a little Shaken up?

Trevor : Bway I neva experience anyting like dis ina my life sistren. A lissen mi a

lissen some trune pan mi Ipod an feel di plane a skid wey to blurtnaught. Di

bredren nex to mi look out a di window an start bawl out sey wi ago drap ina sea

wata to birdbeak!. Lady mi start pray unto Jah cause I man cyan swim a lick an

plus mi all hear sey nuff Alligator ina di sea.

Boardlane TV: Alligators in the sea sir? Where have you heard such a thing?

That's not true.

Trevor : Yuh a fool man .. Alligata ina di sea mi sey. Nuff time mi si dem lie dung

pan di banking when mi a fly out.. soh mi noh know wey yuh a chat sey. If wid di

crash ina di sea an hear sey Alligata nyam up all a wi wey yuh woulda sey eeh?

How unu can behave like a ongle unu wan have educatian soh? Tek man fi fool

an illeterate.. GO WEY!!

Boardlane TV: Ok. Clearly that is a very misguided passenger but we are glad

he wasn't eaten by Alligators nonetheless.

Looks like another shaken passenger heading our way. Over here sir. Can you

tell us what this experience was like for you?

Neville: Ioyoo cyooon taalkk naw iss.. mknot a ood hime

Boardlane TV: Sir what are saying? I'm sorry we can't hear you so good. Repeat

that.

Neville's Daughter: Sarry lady.. Papa cyan talk to yah now .im false teet fly outta

im mout when im head lick up pan di seat. Nat a soul cyan fine di teet all now.

Gad eeh know how dis man a goh nyam im Chrismuss dinna now widout'en di

teet. Lawd a mercy pan wi Pupa Jesas!

Boardlane TV: Ok Sorry to hear that. Well let's hope he will have a Merry

Christmas despite his missing teeth. God bless you.

Hi Hi young man come and talk to us over here. What's going through you mind

after going through what just occurred?

Rorie: Yuh really waan know what a goh troo my mine sistren? Is a spliff I waan

bun yuh noh seeit.. jah rastafari know. Dem kina ting wi mash up yuh nerval

system when rasta dey pan plane an it bruck up wid yuh ina it yuh noh seeit . Mi

teet dem noh tap rakkle fram mi lef outta di plane. I man need a weefah fi calm I

nerves but di bloodseed police bway dem a walk roun wid di sniffa daag dem sed

speed mek I man cyan draw fi di good herb. **Chaaaaa** Easy yaah mi sistren ..

I an I ago get ouuta dis Babylon cage..zeen? More time!

Boardlane TV: Ok we have time for just one more passenger .. Looks like this

lady is one of the more injured. Lets see what she has to say..

Sppptttt can you share with Boadlane TV how you got your injuries?

Silvia: Noh wan b@ttybway push mi dung a try race mi outta di plane mam. Mi

sey dem noh have no mannas enoh lady. Imagine dis American Airlines likle

punk fling mi dung ina fuss class an kick mi ina mi side when a jump ova mi.. Mi

sey if a neva fi mi artritis ina mi right han a tump im dung if a eva si im bout yah.

Look how mi frack dutty up like mi naah come fram nohweh!

Boardlane TV: Wait a minute you said he was an American Airline person?

Silvia: Yes lady! A wan a di Hair hostess bway do mi soh .. All yuh hear dem a

chat bout lef plane ardaly in case of emergency dem a di fuss wan a bulldoza

yuh when plane crash. Dem is jus like dem dam hooligan yuh si a stage show.

Dam set a viagro dem ..Lady dem only ina di stoosh unifarm like dem desent but

dem noh betta dan di hag dem yuh si ina pig style. Dutty Jankro dem!

Boardlane TV: Very interesting. Well there you have it folks. A very traumatic

day for the passengers as you have you heard. We wish all a pleasant evening

and thanks for tuning in to Boardlane TV.

che che che .............lol

Respect to the mad white Jamaican.......we feel your pain....those who go are the ones that know......... nuff said

My Man ..so dont test

I know this is not new to some of y'all but it is a classic...mad funny

The Definitive Guide to Jamaican Table Manners
by Soul Rebel



As any true gentleman/lady will tell you, good table manners are an essential part of fluid and enjoyable social interaction. What actually constitutes good table manners, however, will vary widely from place to place. In an effort to identify what is considered good dining etiquette in Jamaica, ThingsJamaicansLove.com recently conducted a month-long undercover study at dozens of Jamaican restaurants, eateries and cookshops. Having carefully analysed and collated the data collected we now present to you what we learnt about how one should conduct oneself when dining in Jamaica:

1. On entering the restaurant/cookshop loudly announce your presence by shouting “Serve here!”

2. Do not wait to be seated. Simply plop yourself down at the nearest available table.

3. Grill your waiter on the menu items and their accompaniments. E.g.“Is local goat or imported mutton? Mi only eat local rammy yuh know.”
“What yuh serve wid di tripe? Rice an peas? Plain rice? Food?
“ Is nuff food yuh get?”
“So I can get curry goat gravy wid di the fry chicken?”
“Is why yuh face screw up so? Yuh work inna restaurant, so mi know seh yuh nuh hungry.”

4. Place the most complicated order you can devise. e.g. “Beg yuh a large food. Having. Half an’ half ox tail an’ fry chicken. Rice an’ peas an’ ‘food’. No boil yam. Banana, sweet potato an’ dasheen only. No gravy on di rice. Stew beef gravy on di fry chicken. Likkle raw veg on di side. Don’t mek the rice touch the meat or the ‘food’ touch the gravy. An' hurry up wid it!”

5. Despite the complexity of the order and the surly tone in which it was placed you should pull your waiter aside and quietly whisper to him that you would appreciate “a likkle taste of the cow foot as brawta”.

6. When your order is brought to you, hold your hand a few inches above the plate to test the warmth of your meal. Complain noisily that the food “cold like Alaska”. Insist that it be reheated.

7. When the reheated food is brought back to your table complain that it does not have nearly enough pepper.

8. Insist that a bottle of Grace Hot Sauce, Pickapeppa Sauce or a side plate with some sliced up bird pepper be brought immediately.

9. Apply pepper to food liberally.

10. Complain that there’s not enough gravy on your food. Enquire whether you are expected to “choke to death on di food?” Send plate away for additional gravy.

11. Complain that you wanted the additional gravy on the meat, not the rice. Send it back again.

12. Cease all conversation as you begin to eat.

13. Pretend not to hear as one of your dining companions mutters a few words of grace before eating.

14. Once silence has been achieved, attack your food like you would a hostile and deadly combatant.

15. Hiss your teeth and shoot dirty looks at persons who attempt to make polite conversation about sports/weather/government’s latest tax package during the meal.

16. As you assault your meal, the only sounds should be that off smacking lips, knives and forks clanking on plates and the occasional “Beg yuh pass di peppa”

17. Mix meat, rice, ground provisions and gravy into a steaming, soggy mountain in the middle of your plate.

18. Heap enormous, steaming mouthfuls of food into your gaping maw.

19. As your bredrin enters the restaurant, greet him at the top of your voice, ensuring that every single person in the establishment is alerted to his presence, and with hands outstretched exclaim: “Weh yuh a seh Money! Long time!”

20. Once the pleasantries have been concluded return immediately to your meal.

21. Pause chewing only briefly to wash down gigantic mouthfuls of victuals with a sip of your lemonade/coconut water/red stripe.

22. Apply more pepper to food.

23. Clean your plate thoroughly. Place any errant grains of rice in your mouth using your fingers.

24. Chew chicken bones into a fine grainy pulp vaguely resembling caviar. Leave in small mounds at the side of your plate.

25. Suck ox-tail bones noisily until all traces of meat and gravy have been removed therefrom.

26. Request an additional boiled dumpling/slice of yam/scoop of rice to “soak up di res’ ah di gravy”

27. Lick fingers vigorously to remove all traces of gravy.

28. Request a rock cake, slice of sweet potato pudding or slice of cornmeal pudding for dessert.

29. It appears from our research that belching exhibits appreciation for the meal. As such, please feel free to loudly and frequently demonstrate that appreciation.

30. If your waitress is female and even remotely attractive, feel free to invent terms of endearment for her (e.g. “Fatty”, “Love Sponge”, “Suga belly”). Ask her repeatedly for her telephone number and address.

31. Request a tooth-pick. Suck teeth while busily digging away at your gums with said toothpick. Ensure tooth-pick remains in your mouth for at least an hour but it is quite acceptable for it to remain for the rest of the day.”

32. Loosen belt. Rub stomach with pleasure. Lean back in your chair.

33. Agree with your companions that “di food here really eat good”.

34. Compare the high quality of the cooking to that of your late, dearly-beloved Grandmother Iris.

35. Disguise your contentment as you complain bitterly and loudly about the excessive bill.

36. Resolutely maintain that a better-tasting meal can be had at the restaurant across the road for half the price.

37. Tip sparingly, if at all, as you slowly leave establishment.

Jamaicans funniest comedian Shebada at his best............. Shebada teaching granny bashment the ropes...LoL.

These ganja smugglers were mad creative........this is a true story from 1979

Russel Peters seems to have figured out Jamaicans pretty well............this is ROFL

The laugh alone makes this funny if only all Jamaican tour guides were this funny , now that's a tour.....Lol

this little girl is hilarious......................."no more milk fi put inna di cawnflakes" .


we can only imagine her mother is just as funny