Jamaican Man at KPH

A Jamaican man went to the Kingston Public Hospital (KPH) for medical treatment; he had both ears severely burnt.

Doctor: How did you get your ears so terribly burnt Sir?

Patient: Yuh si Docta, Mi didah rush fi go a Wuk, so mid didah hurry fi press mi shurt. When mi a press it, one eediot call mi pan mi cellphone, an insteada answer di phone, mi pick up de iron an' answa it.

Doctor: Ok Sir, I understand how one ear could be burnt, but I still cannot understand how you got both ears burnt

Patient: Di damn fool nuh go call mi back.

The Old Man from St. Mary and the Potatoes

An old man lived alone in St. Mary, Jamaica. He wanted to plough his field to plant potatoes, but it was very hard work, and he was unable to do it alone. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, "Papa, beg yu nuh dig up the garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 a.m. the next morning police and soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant yu potatoes, Papa. Is the best I could do at this time."

Breaking News Manatt Enquiry makes an impact on Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.  He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'  St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.  Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'  'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'  'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'  'Incredible,' said the man'. And whose clock is that one?'  St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'  'Where's Bruce Golding ’s clock?' asked the man. Bruce’s  clock is in Jesus' office.  He's using it as a ceiling fan

Funiest car crash in Jamaica

Wow the things they are selling these days

Jamaican Bank Robbery - Valentine's Edition

A Jamaican bank robber went into a bank at Half Way Tree and pull out a gun and said
"Hevry Baddy, li dung pon di groun or ah shoot all a una blouse & skirts " Tella! ful up di grip wid dollas"

After the teller filled up the suitcase with money, the robber said to one woman on ground:
 "Yu dey! Yu see a rabbry ere toodey?"  The woman said "yes! mi si every ting"
So he shot the woman dead and said to the next woman lying beside her.  
"Yu dey! Yu see a rabbry ere toodey?"  
The woman said "No Sah! mi no see nuting, but mi husband beside mi, him si hevery Ting"

Another "Sign" of Jamaica

No dumping unless  and only unless you are NWC

Manatt Enquiry Maths?

There is always comedy n the most serious of circumstances.Manatt Phelps Phillips Enquiry provides some comic relief,as KD Knight questioned Douglas Leys as to how much money would be left on the contract.To which Leys' attorney argued a motion that his client would be unable to give that answer.

QC KD Knight replied US$100,000 per quarter is $400,000 and $50,000 was paid by Mr. Vaz. $400,000 minus $50,000 leaves $350,000. Now that's how I learned maths at Wolmers,I am not so sure about Jamaica College.

Wonder who is the maths brain from primary school?

Tings are changing

A likkle pickney about 3yrs old let out a big disgusting belch in a KFC Cross Rds. The embarrassed mother slaps the child and says: 'wha mi seh u fi seh?" The child without hesitation replies "a Gaza mi seh!"